


13 Things Your Consulting Detective Won't Tell You

by Jellybean728



Series: 13 Things [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: M/M, Pre-Slash, Sherlock/John implied
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-15
Updated: 2012-11-15
Packaged: 2017-11-18 17:50:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/563744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jellybean728/pseuds/Jellybean728
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by the recent Reader's Digest articles, this is exactly what it says.</p>
            </blockquote>





	13 Things Your Consulting Detective Won't Tell You

**13 Things Your Consulting Detective Won't Tell You**

1\. Cases involving small children being hurt bother me far more than you realize. Allowing myself to become emotional will not help them, and so I do not allow it. After the close of the case, successful or not, I am likely not to speak for days.

2\. I do not know who the Prime Minister is because, unlike the rest of the Commonwealth, I know who is actually in charge of our government, and he and I are far more intimately acquainted than I care to admit.

3\. While I do not experience sexual pleasure upon viewing corpses or the victims of violence, you are not incorrect in your assessment that a challenging mystery stimulates me mentally in a way not dissimilar to the endorphin rush one experiences due to orgasm.

4\. I am quite fond of dogs.

5\. I do not abstain from watching television because I find it beneath me (although it is), but because my mind has an alarming habit of fixating on things without my express permission, and I haven't the time to become a Whovian.

6\. I am not a psychopath, nor am I a sociopath. People believe that I am because that is what I want them to believe. I have spent years training myself not to allow anyone to make me feel inferior. I have done that before, and found the results less than satisfactory. However, I do have feelings, and they can be hurt.

7\. I do not believe in God, because I refuse to accept that an all powerful being who loves humanity could allow such suffering when He could prevent it. From my perspective and experience, believing in God is tantamount to believing He is cruel and heartless. There is enough cruelty in the world; I cannot abide it in a higher power.

8\. What you perceive as anger on my part during an investigation is actually frustration. This is partly due to the fact that I know you are not stupid, yet you cannot see what I see and partly due to the fact that every time this happens, I am reminded yet again that I am alone, and no one else will ever truly understand me.

9\. I was not having sexual intercourse with James Moriarty or with Irene Adler. I did not fantasize about having intercourse with James Moriarty or with Irene Adler. Despite what you think, I was not in love with James Moriarty or Irene Adler. I was fascinated by them, because for a brief period of time, there was a person on Earth who understood me, how I thought and how that shapes who I am. The fact that they turned to a life of crime and the infliction of pain and misery on others saddens me. We could have been tremendous allies, and I imagine they felt much the same way about me.

10\. I am not half as blind to the rules of the social contract as I would have you believe. It suits my purposes to have people think that I do not understand their constant innuendo and social bonding events. Your sarcasm is not lost on me, I simply find it less time consuming and irritating to pretend I do not understand.

11\. I am more than capable of making tea.

12\. My childhood was not a happy one, but neither was it a tragic one. I experienced the same trials as millions of other children. However, the development of my intelligence far out-stripped my emotional maturity, which left me with the ability to understand things from the perspective of an adult without the ability to cope with the emotional impact of those situations.

13\. On those days when the world is black, and speaking requires more effort than I can manage, a kind word goes a long way. I may not be able to acknowledge it then, and I will never thank you for it once I am myself again, but your effort is noted and appreciated.


End file.
